JOURNAL #1

        Before I had taught a class, I had predominately encountered a very dictative style of teaching.  The professor would stand in front of the class and command the classroom.  I come from a family of teachers, and yet had never considered the teaching profession.  My father was a math professor, my grandfather was a High school history teacher, my grandmother was a librarian at a High school.  I have an uncle that taught Math and an aunt that taught Spanish at University of Colorado.   Yet the image I had in my head of how a teacher acts and behaves: it wasn't me.  I choose instead to focus on my art and professional career.  In school I focused on realistic observational figure painting.  My teacher, Zhi Lin was an extremely challenging professor, and his main focus was that of my technical ability.  I found a lot of safety and comfort in perfecting and focusing on technical skill in painting and drawing.  In NYC I worked as an artist assistant to Jane Hammond, one of the last SoHo Artist as a painter.  Technical ability was fine, but in my own work I was struggling.  I wanted to say something.  I needed meaning in my work beyond being able to draw and paint.  I was really struggling with meaning in the medium of painting.  I had so much to say, so much I believed in and yet how to articulate that in paint wasn't coming.

   

      It wasn't until I took an embroidery class at the Ukranian Art Museum in NYC in 2009, that I finally found a medium that spoke to me.  Embroidery and fiber arts is such a marriage of who I am.  It satisfied exploring my cultural heritage, spoke to a feminine tradition and lineage and could be decorative, traditional and yet there were so many interesting boundaries to push.  I found the medium inherently charged and the work and meaning came so easily.  At that same time, I had discovered silver and goldsmithing.  I was hired as the head jewelry designer for Jane Diaz and I was learning so much.  This medium gave me confidence.  I found it so profound and powerful to move metal.  To make something of significance with materials that were hard to destroy.  Jewelry is not only adornment, but it also has a way of absorbing meaning. In the day to day life, jewelry can be a reminder of a special person or family member, an accomplishment, a symbol of love or an event of significance.  Between jewelry and embroidery, I had found two mediums that I connected with and because of that I knew what I wanted to say.

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         After the birth of my son, my family and I moved to Austin, Texas.  I wanted to explore teaching art, and was hired to teach Metalsmithing in a curriculum based after-school program through the Parks and Recreation Department.  The program by design, brought professional artists and their mediums to a predominately lower income student population.  This program followed AISD's school calendar year and was offered August-May every year.  As I taught, I watched students feel empowered as they moved, hammered and transformed metal.  I saw how the simple act of learning each and every students name could transform how they cared about the class and participated.  I realized that I was using art to increase their confidence and promote leadership.  I wasn't dictating.  I was circumnavigating the room, looking each student in the eye, using their name and addressing their personal projects one by one.  I watched how they started to develop close relationships among each other,  how they struggled and succeeded in making personal work they were proud of.  I was transformed.   Now I understood that I did, in fact, love teaching.  I wanted to do this all the time and I wanted to know how to do it better.   The second year as a teacher in the program I taught Sewing, embroidery and fiber arts.

I worried about the relevance of embroidery and sewing at first, but those fears were put to rest as my students enthusiastically participated in my lessons and made flags, backpacks and patches.  My love for art and its many mediums was translating to something useful to others. 

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Ten important things I will consider when teaching art in the future:

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1. Each and every student has the ability to learn and should feel safe and considered an asset to the classroom.

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2. I want to consider all forms of art and find ways to include these in my classroom.  Each medium has a power.

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3. I want to have designated spaces for the different types of learners. A space that is clear and clean for the student to begin, places to be messy and experiment without fear, places to research and get inspired and art materials that are organized and easily accessible.

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4. I want to create a space where the student feels comfortable with failure.  Taking risks and failing are places of great potential learning.

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5. Space to feel confident to say as much or as little in a piece of art as the wish.  Not everyone is ready to get extremely personal and boundaries will be acknowledged and respected.

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6. I want to build a strong community classroom and facilitate support and learning amongst peers.  This includes a space safe from bullying.

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7. Each student feel that they are getting one-on-one time with me. That they are seen and that their names are learned and used.

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8. I would love a classroom that explores larger world and relevant topics, possibly supporting and elaborating what they are learning in their other subjects.

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9. A classroom that equally values both technical ability and meaning-based and explorative work.

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10. Allow students to create some (if not all) of their class rules. The intention is to elevate them as controllers of their learning and environment;  I am not imposing rules on them, but that we construct our experience and all hold ourselves accountable.

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       When I think to how I want to teach in the future, I have difficultly answering this question.  I have an idea of how I want my classroom to look, how I want my students to feel, and what art I want to explore with them.  So many of the students that I have taught so far in my teaching career have struggled with safety and security.  Many of my students lived in shelters, a few had incarcerated parents, many came from divorced families, some were transgender or a part of the LBGTQIA  community and had disapproving family members.  First and foremost I wanted them to feel safe and seen.  I also want to facilitate a space for them to personally find themselves in a topic.  Art can be a meditative or expressive space.  It can be a space to look internally or externally.  When I teach in the future, I want to remember and hold space for these places of safety, discovery, healing and expression.  I will always bring my past teaching experiences with me, however, I still have a lot to learn.  This is why I am studying at Colorado State University. I know too, that my students have always been and will always be my biggest teachers.  I hope to be open and receptive to listen and change as they need me to so that I can be the best that I can be for every student.

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         As I set out to make a piece of artwork to symbolize my teaching philosophy, I reflected on my experience so far teaching and the significance of mediums.  I wanted to use the power and strength and long lasting material of metal to transform a pendant into an object that reminds me of my journey.  I choose to make and depict the pendant as a snake because they are symbols of renewal; they shed their skin when they grow.  I too want to make changes  based on growth and make this a part of my teaching ritual.  Snakes remain grounded, are cautious, graceful and are respected.  I wound the body into a coil to symbolize the journey.   I realize that snakes can also symbolize fear for people, but I think this too is reflective of this journey.  I don't know how I will do or what I will learn.  Will I be a good teacher?  Will I succeed?  Will I be as effective as I want to be?  I hope these fears like the fear of snakes is largely unfounded, and that I too can navigate this journey grounded and with grace.